Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
