...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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