You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
