The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
