My first STD was from a foam party
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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