could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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