Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
