A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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