I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
