if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
