She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
