she was so not down for the gang bang
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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