FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
