why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
