Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
