Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
