I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
