Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
