Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
