Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
