Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
