The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
