So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
