no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
