We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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