if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
