Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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