this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
