I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
