I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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