Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
