I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
