I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He better not be in your backpack
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
