You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
