I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
