85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
