Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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