I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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