so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
