You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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