Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
