Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
