**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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