remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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