Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
