There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
