i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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