he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
