He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
