Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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