I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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