i was born a porn star she said
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
