is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
